Post-Transfer Window Shocker – Bosingwa to Celtic?

Evidently it didn’t happen, but we here at Stevie the K: Don’t do as I do, Do as I Say have uncovered EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS which seem to indicate that a deal involving Chelsea defender Jose Bosingwa being dealt to Celtic was very close to fruition when the transfer window closed.

Here is the SHOCKING, EXCLUSIVE photographic proof!

Jose Bosingwa almost joined Celtic!

More Anti-Semitism in Europe?

Hey, Unibrow, the ball's down there

Fantasy Premier League starts Aug 16

If any of my regular readers (i.e., those who didn’t get here by looking for “Janet Jackson’s boob” on Google) are interested in joining my semi-private league, let me know by indicating your interest in comments. I’ll follow up to your email address, which is visible to me through the administration function.

Go head-to-head against The Stevenators!

The Other Side of Soccer: Our Idiots are Tougher than Your Idiots

I guess I don’t give this side of soccer much attention, because it tends not to be an issue here in the States, but perhaps it’s an inevitable consequence of soccer’s global emergence.

Or, just another example of the increased idiocy level of people in groups.

Crew-West Ham United friendly marred by brawl between fans

Security guards hold back fans after a fight broke out at an exhibition match between MLS' Columbus Crew and English Premier League side West Ham United.

Fantasy Football 2007-2008 Roundup

Well, the season has ended, and I have to say I’m pleased overall with the performance of The Stevenators. Despite a dreadful slump in March and early April, they rallied to finish 6,225th overall out of over 1.7 million teams! That’s the top 3/1000th of a percent!

We also finished 194th out of all Americans, of which there were 55,514, with a similar ranking!

In this, my second season of participation, I improved overall from 1778 points and 144,412 ranking overall, to 2217 points and an overall rank of 6,225.

Not bad!

Clearly, I benefitted from the amazing performance of Cristiano Ronaldo, who was captained most of the time, as well as the first half heroics of Cesc Fabregas. But overall the team was heavy with representation from Everton and Aston Villa, who had good seasons and fairly consistent performance.

So, I’ll bask in the meaningless glory of our performance and look forward to August!

 

The Great Escape (2008)

Well it didn’t have Steve McQueen, James Garner or Richard Attenborough, but in many other aspects Fulham managed to pull off a Great Escape similar to that of the famous 1963 WWII classic.

An international crew consisting of British and Americans (with a smattering of other cultures) tunneled their way out of the prospect of imprisonment in the League Championship (read: Division 2) with some late-season heroics.

Three consecutive away victories, where previously there had been none, were capped with a final, last-game triumph over Portsmouth.

Fulham, whom I sometimes like to refer to as Team America World Police, features several Americans including veteran keeper Casey Keller, former NE Revolution star Clint Dempsey, and long-time international standouts Brian McBride and Carlos Bocanegra.

I don’t know if Fulham have a ‘theme song’, the way Liverpool have “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, but I can’t help but think that the famous Elmer Bernstein theme from the Great Escape could be the ad-hoc theme for the coming season.

A good outcome for both American soccer fans as well as those who admire Fulham as a London-based club retaining some of the characteristic charm of English football despite the overwhelming influence of huge money on the game.

 

Chelsea Fans: You Don’t Know What You’re Saying

I watched the great Chelsea v. Arsenal game yesterday in which Chelsea came from behind to beat Arsenal at home 2 to 1. Now, those of you who either know me personally or read this blog enough know that I personally don’t care who wins. I’m just an American who loves English football and I have the luxury of not being a supporter of any one team. I like to see great team play, great individual talent and execution and, when it happens, great tactical adjustments by managers.

Now, if you’re still reading at this point, it’s likely because you like English football,  so I don’t have to recap the entire history of Chelsea’s change in management this year – the whole “cult of Mourinho” vs. Avram Grant and so on. Suffice it to say that it seems clear that the Chelsea fans, despite the successes the team has had since Grant’s assignment, still somehow feel that Mourinho is the only person who could possibly lead the team to the Premier League title.

So, with Chelsea down one-nil in the second half, when Grant made a daring double substitution inserting Anelka and Belletti in place of Ballack and Makalele, many in the crowd at Stamford Bridge started the mocking chant “You Don’t Know What You’re Doing”, along with invocations of Mourinho’s name.

Because soccer substitutions are permanent for the course of the game, they represent major strategic and tactical choices. The only American analog I can think of is in baseball, where the removal and substitution of a particular pitcher or hitter at a critical moment in a game can make or break the eventual outcome of that game. However, in my experience, while the fans may boo or moan, they don’t call the manager out in the same way as they do in soccer, where chants and songs are more traditional and commonplace. Instead, fans call up sports talk shows after the game is over and, with perfect 20-20 hindsight, proclaim their brilliance and insight.

Well, in this case, divine justice prevailed as Grant’s substitutes made an immediate and beneficial impact on the game, setting up two Didier Drogba strikes within eight minutes of each other, and giving Chelsea the victory. And although Grant, in an interview after the game, stated that he didn’t notice the fans’ mocking and disapproval, one can only speculate that he had, at least internally, a sense of personal satisfaction.

From my distant vantage point, I do not see or hear the day-to-day commentary or experience the cultural mood that comes with being a Chelsea fan. But it seems to me that Grant has come to Stamford Bridge under very challenging circumstances, produced excellent results and has comported himself with class. You’d think the Chelsea fans would appreciate that fact and enjoy it.

But clearly, “They Don’t Know What They’re Doing”.

I Had This Dream Last Night…

…and I never remember them so I wanted to hurry up and write it down before I forgot it. This should give you some insight into exactly what a pathetic loser I really am.

So anyway, I’m apparently pursuing my dream to go abroad on a Football tour, and I’m all excited because I am going to see a really good game — I think it was Everton vs. Liverpool or similar. I’ve apparently arranged everything ahead of time, because I’ve prepaid for all my tickets and pre-arranged my transport throughout the country. And apparently the mode of transportation is some kind of combination of open-air train (like the top half of a double-decker bus) and hovercraft because we’re speeding along highways and seaside roads and then suddenly the train/hovercraft leaps over the rail to the beach, in a manner not unlike a combination of Burnout Paradise and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney. We’re flying down the beach and people are scattering to either side and we’re splashing and so on. Of course I’m in a state of shock because we’re flying over railings and going like 150 mph on a beach, while the people around me are all listening to their i-pods or reading The Sun and barely noticing.

Anyway for some reason the football ground is out in the country, not in the city, so the conveyance leaves us off about a ten minute walk away. And I’m walking with all the other people who are going to the ground to see the game, and I realize that next to me going to the game is Gordon Ramsay. And I’m torn because on the one hand he’s kind of famous and might be interesting to talk to and I know he used to be a football player himself, and on the other hand he might be a huge obnoxious asshole. But in my own self-deprecating and charming way we exchange a few minor pleasantries about the game and so on.

Anyway, later on I arrive at the ground and pull out my tickets, and I almost have a heart attack because they’re for a La Liga double-header between Valladolid and Racing Santander, with another game between Espanyol and someone…and I’m going into a panic because not only do I not have the tickets to the game I’m at, and want to see, but I know almost nothing about Valladolid or Racing Santander, don’t really give a s**t about La Liga and the game is in Spain and it had been played yesterday.

So I run back to the ticket purchase area, which I passed about five minutes before, and of course I am in a panic because it’s something I haven’t pre-arranged, and there’s no guarantee that they’ll even have a ticket, and I’m going the opposite way from everyone, and I get to the ticket window and of course Gordon Ramsay is there. And he starts yelling at me and getting in my face because of my ticket screw-up and he’s calling me a stupid git as if I’m on Hell’s Kitchen and I’ve burnt the risotto and he’s bragging about how he gets all the tickets he wants because he used to play football and he’s a big shot.

And then I woke up.

Barnsley: The Impossible Dream Continues

Barnsley have knocked off Chelsea in the FA Cup 6th round. An amazing story continues.

For those not versed in English football, think: Toledo Mud Hens beat New York Yankees.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/fa_cup/7272810.stm

Video: http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/sol/newsid_7280000/newsid_7285700/7285750.stm?bw=nb&mp=wm&news=1&bbcws=1

Head to head Stats: http://soccerway.com/match/fa-cup/barnsley-fc/chelsea-football-club/564046/

Along with Barnsley! Shocka!

I just watched Barnsley beat Liverpool at Anfield in the last thirty seconds of stoppage time. An amazing, exciting FA Cup match.

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/fa_cup/7224063.stm

Bristol Rovers in FA Cup Quarter Finals!

I have to admit, there are certain teams I follow just because I ‘managed’ them in FIFA soccer on the XBOX. My first team in Manager mode on FIFA 2005 was Bristol Rovers. So I am pleased to see one of “my” former clubs do well.

They also have a great home jersey, as you can see.

http://www.soccerway.com/news/2008/February/16/pirates-plunder-the-saints-to-reach-fa-cup-quarter-finals

 They had a great striker named Junior Agogo, who has since moved up the league ladder to Notts Forest, and doing great there. I imagined, in a more perfect world, that ESPN thought English football was more important than baseball, and that Chris Berman would refer to him as either “Whisky” Agogo, or “Going to” Agogo in the highlight reels. Well, I amuse myself anyway.

In any case, this is another example of why the FA Cup is the greatest tournament in sports. Anyone can win. First Havant and Waterlooville, now this. A great season already, and it’s still going strong!

Classic Sports Uniforms

What constitutes a “classic” sports uniform?

I started to consider this topic after watching a Serie A (Italian football) match where one of the teams (Palermo) had pink jerseys.

Yes, you read that right. Pink. Jerseys. Here, look.

Can you imagine Dick Butkus or Jim Otto playing in a pink jersey? How about Gordie Howe? No F’ing way.

I could go off in another direction here, about how some conventions and assumptions in American professional sports just, by definition, prohibit the use of certain teams names and/or uniform colors that occur in other countries. In fact, I will for a moment.

Unlike college sports, where unusual team mascots may have emerged and survived, professional sports teams’ names in this country tend to have a very narrow range of acceptability. Typically, they are aggressive names. Lions, Tigers, Bears, Vikings, Jaguars, Panthers, and so on. I don’t pay attention to the minor sports, like “Ultimate Arena Fighting Football Gladiators”, or whatever, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there were teams like the Punishers, Maimers, BoneCrushers, WhackJobs, and the like.

Even our bird teams are aggressive: Eagles, Hawks, Ravens, Seahawks, Falcons. Even Blue Jays are nasty, aggressive birds. The only relatively benign birds I can think of are both baseball teams, e.g., Orioles, Cardinals (yes there are football Cardinals but only because they used to be from St. Louis and they were too lazy or cheap to change it). Oh, wait, there’s the Anaheim Ducks, but that was basically a promo for a bad movie. I can’t believe a team called the Ducks won the Stanley Cup – but that’s part of an anti-NHL rant that I’m not prepared to get into right now.

In any case, can you imagine a domesticated housepet-type-bird as the mascot for a real (i.e., not baseball) sports team?

Well in English football they have the Norwich Canaries. Yes, you read that correctly. Canaries.

 As it turns out, it’s a particular species of bird with a long history in the region. But still, as a sports mascot, it’s kind of…well… lame, isn’t it?

Does that strike fear deep in the heart of the competition? Ooohh…watch out for those Canaries. You might get peeped at, or get a nasty scratch. Somehow it doesn’t conjure up images of raptor-like violence or destruction. Even in Hitchcock’s The Birds, the canaries didn’t peck anyone’s eyes out, although they likely did cheer the perpetrators on.

Similarly, there are certain colors that are, or are not, acceptable for a sports team’s uniform.

There’s been a trend over the last ten years or so to adding BLACK to a team’s uniform – I guess to make it look meaner. Perhaps there’s a socioeconomic implication there but I don’t know and I don’t want to go there. Anyway, this guy did a post along these lines about NFL uniform redesigns which is pretty good and quite comprehensive. Another fellow did a nice listing of his top 50 classic soccer jerseys. I owe him the link to the Palermo jersey – thanks dude!

My point was, after viewing the travesty that was this Italian team’s pink jerseys, that it could NEVER happen here in the states. I mean, we’ve had some ridiculous professional sports team uniforms, typically during the decade of horrendous design also known as the 70s, but eventually these mistakes have been rectified. They’ve even undid the 70s logo change at NASA, for goodness sake.

So, what then constitutes a classic uniform?

For me, it comes down to a few key variables:

• A certain consistency or longevity of use
• Non-fugly throughout time
• Non-fugly logo & clean number font
• Tendency to be associated with great teams

I don’t have a comprehensive list thus far, but I know there are a few that I have tended to like over the years:

• Montreal Canadiens
• New York Yankees/Detroit Tigers
• Chicago Bears
• Boston Celtics
• Los Angeles (Brooklyn) Dodgers
• Chicago BlackHawks
• Indianapolis (Baltimore) Colts

Many teams have had so many uniform and logo changes over the years that they can’t be considered. Many of those tend to blend into a sort of sameness that prevents a casual fan from knowing immediately which team is which. Others have redesigned their logos in a most noxious fashion. That’s why this tends to be a fairly short list.

You could see a picture of Jean Béliveau or Rocket Richard (or here, Yvan Cournoyer) and that Canadiens jersey looks the same as it does today. Looks distinctive in black and white, looks terrific in color with its blue stripe surrounded by white over a red jersey (OK, it’s hockey, call it a sweater).

The Yankees white with pinstripes, with the NY crossed letters logo over the left chest is timeless and classic. Even if you hate the Yankees now, it’s still the same uniform that Gehrig, DiMaggio and Ruth wore (though Ruth stretched it out a bit). The classic “D” on the Detroit Tigers uniform seems the same to me as well.

The Chicago Bears black with three arm stripes is a great, ‘down and dirty’ classic that looks the same as it did in the 40s without being excessively dated. Similarly, the Celtics simple classicism has remained appealing without being dated.

I always liked the scripted “Dodgers” logo, which to me is sort of an “All-American” icon. When you go abroad, and people wear weird “American-style” jackets that tend to say ridiculous non-English phrases on them, they still have some kind of scripted logo like the Dodgers logo. It’s just sort of classic to the eye and stays fresh even when it’s treated as a retro styling cue.

Finally, the Blackhawks and Colts have kept a consistent look throughout the ages even with some minor styling tweaks. The Blackhawks Indian Head logo is really cool, even in this PC age, and the Colts uniform is a model of simplicity and consistency.

Well, that’s my list. What are your choices?

Anyone? Bueller?

Fantasy Football Status: First Week of February

Well, January was a decent month for The Stevenators. Just subsequent to my last post, my new acquisitions from Everton  (Tim Howard and Joleon Lescott) did very well and have continued to shine. Dependable MVP Cristiano Ronaldo continues to be worth every pseudo-penny he costs.

My overall standing has improved to 6,834th out of a total of over 1.6 million participants, and I’m standing at 270th of all Americans. Not too bad.

I had not made any transfers for the entire month of January. This week, however, with injuries to both Agbonlahor and Distin, I decided to use my “wild card” to make multiple changes with no deduction in points (usually, you’re allowed one ‘free’ transfer per week, with each subsequent change costing 4 points – you get one “wild card’ per year). Changes were:

• Ashley Young for Gabriel Agbonlahor (straight change in Aston Villa), netting 0.2 currency points
• Jonathan Bentley (Blackburn)  out for Simon Davies (Fulham). I like Bentley but I needed to finance another trade, and Davies is nearly equal to Bentley in points scored while netting me 1.7 in currency.
• With that trade, I was able to let Distin go at 5.6 and get Rio Ferdinand at 7.3, washing the 1.7 the above trade provided.

I had also considered releasing Robbie Keane in favor of Carlos Tevez, but Spurs are playing Derby and I figure Keane may have a chance to run it up against the sieve-like back line of Derby. I also really like Keane as a player, though I’ve learned to ignore my sentimental preferences for players when I choose fantasy league rosters. If I chose based on sentiment alone, I’d have a completely different squad and would probably be ranked about 500,000th.

Thank goodness for this Fantasy Football league, as it gives me a chance to turn away from the unfortunate Super Bowl results without having to pay any attention to baseball, the most deadly dull yet pervasive of American team sports. Someone actually came up to me on Monday after the Super Bowl and said, with glee, “well it’s going to be Pitchers and Catchers reporting really soon!”

Oh joy.

Amazing that a bunch of underworked, paunchy doofuses showing up in Florida with golf clubs to play catch for a few weeks will get more media attention in this country than the stretch run of the Barclays Premier League, featuring some of the most talented athletes in the world. And what’s more amazing is that I’ll get some crap from people in this country for saying so.

Welcome Back Jimmy Bullard…

…and Brian McBride!

Very happy to see Bullard back on track after a long and painful injury/recovery process. He’s just the kind of player who makes football worth watching: always hustling, always creating opportunities and, occasionally, scoring game-winning goals in exciting fashion.

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_prem/7210618.stm

Speaking of back from injury, welcome back to Brian McBride, American international and Fulham striker.

…but it was not to be

Benayoun hat-trick seals Havant’s fate

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/fa_cup/7197712.stm

 See also:

http://viewfromtheterrace.wordpress.com/2008/01/26/fairytale-over/

Still, I think there’s a movie to be made out of all this.

This is a great story…

…even if you’re not a follower of football.

http://ianheath653.wordpress.com/2008/01/16/go-havant-waterlooville/

More Separated at Birth, Barclay’s Premier League Edition

See also http://steviethek.wordpress.com/2007/12/17/separated-at-birth-barclays-premier-league-edition/

Dimitar Berbatov	Goran Visnjic (Luka from “ER”)

This one seemed obvious to me, though I’ve seen him also compared to Andy Garcia. Perhaps ten years ago. Now, Garcia looks a little more like Sergeant Garcia from the old Zorro TV show.

Michael Ballack	“Marky” Mark Wahlberg

Well, one’s German, the other just beat up blacks during his youth. Now they’re just both overpaid.

Fantasy Football Status: at the New Year

This is my second year playing in the Barclays Premier League Fantasy Game, and I’m well ahead of my performance last year. In fact, I’m actually not doing badly.

I’m currently ranked 12, 395th. Which sounds awful until you consider that there are 1,570,386 total players from around the world. Which puts me in the 99th percentile.

I’m also actually in the lead in my randomly-selected public league:

 

I’m currently ranked 410th of all Americans participating, and would have been higher had I not dumped my long time holding Man City defender Richard Dunne in favor of Joleon Lescott of Everton last week after Boxing Day. Dunne had nine points in their scoreless draw against Liverpool, while Lescott had no points in Everton’s sorry second half house-of-cards-like folding against Arsenal.

Still, doing surprisingly well all told. I’ll keep you posted on my progress, as I’m sure you’re all at the edge of your seats on this one.

Separated at Birth, Barclays Premier League Edition

Most of my friends, acquaintances and other readers aren’t as interested in soccer as I am, so the soccer posts generally go over their heads. But here’s one that, in theory, everyone should be able to enjoy.

 

Ivan Campo	Eric Bogosian, Actor/Playwright

This is the one that got me started thinking about this.

Wayne Rooney	Shrek

 I think this is a match. My wife doesn’t.

But not only do they look alike, they’re both very popular ogres.

Sam Allardyce	Fred Flintstone

 I’d pay real money to hear Big Sam say, “Yabba Dabba Doo”.

Sagna	Sagwa

This was almost too good to be true. Lookalikes AND namealikes.

Kevin Nolan	Ian, this guy I know

I don’t have many pictures of Ian, but you’ll have to take my word for it. They look exactly alike.

Feel free to add your own suggestions in the Comments area.

READER UPDATE #1:

Craig Bellamy	Biff from “Back to the Future”

This one’s from reader “N”. Nice one!

Stevie the K’s “All Poopie XI”

You’ve heard of the “All-Madden Team”. The “All-American” team. Perhaps even the “Horse Trailer Player of the Week”. Well, those teams are chosen by adults. It’s my turn now. Get ready for the “All Poopie XI” football (soccer) all-stars, as chosen by yours truly, Stevie the K.

Player	Info
Dudu Aouate	Keeper, Israel, Deportiva La Coruna
Dudu	Midfield, CSKA Moskva
Kaka	Striker, Brazil, AC Milan
Caca	Midfield, Brazil, Aalborg
Nicky Butt	Midfield, Newcastle United
Dean Windass	Striker, Hull City
Dan Shittu	Defender, Watford
Lionel Messi	Striker, Argentina, Barcelona
Quim	Keeper, Benfica
Olivier de Cock	Defender, Brugge
Dong Fangzhou	Striker, Manchester United

  Now you’ll notice I started off very strong, staying with the original concept, with two dudus and two cacas, followed by Butt, Windass and Shittu. From there it began to be more of a reach. I thought of Messi by myself, but admittedly had to resort to putting naughty words into the search engine on Playerwatch.net. I’m so ashamed.

I knew there’d be at least one Dong though. I have to admit being totally surprised by Quim. I had never heard of him. So when I went into Google to try to find humorous sports headlines, such as, “Milan Strikers denied by Quim” or similar, I was surprised to see that Wikipedia had beat me to the punch with its reference to “controversially snatching a place in the starting XI”.

I’ll bet many of you could think of more to add to this team. Please feel free to submit them via the Comments section.  The team’s kind of short on defenders. Sorta like any given day on my OTHSL over-50s team.