Post-Transfer Window Shocker – Bosingwa to Celtic?

Evidently it didn’t happen, but we here at Stevie the K: Don’t do as I do, Do as I Say have uncovered EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS which seem to indicate that a deal involving Chelsea defender Jose Bosingwa being dealt to Celtic was very close to fruition when the transfer window closed.

Here is the SHOCKING, EXCLUSIVE photographic proof!

Jose Bosingwa almost joined Celtic!

More Anti-Semitism in Europe?

Hey, Unibrow, the ball's down there

Fantasy Premier League starts Aug 16

If any of my regular readers (i.e., those who didn’t get here by looking for “Janet Jackson’s boob” on Google) are interested in joining my semi-private league, let me know by indicating your interest in comments. I’ll follow up to your email address, which is visible to me through the administration function.

Go head-to-head against The Stevenators!

The Other Side of Soccer: Our Idiots are Tougher than Your Idiots

I guess I don’t give this side of soccer much attention, because it tends not to be an issue here in the States, but perhaps it’s an inevitable consequence of soccer’s global emergence.

Or, just another example of the increased idiocy level of people in groups.

Crew-West Ham United friendly marred by brawl between fans

Security guards hold back fans after a fight broke out at an exhibition match between MLS' Columbus Crew and English Premier League side West Ham United.

Fantasy Football 2007-2008 Roundup

Well, the season has ended, and I have to say I’m pleased overall with the performance of The Stevenators. Despite a dreadful slump in March and early April, they rallied to finish 6,225th overall out of over 1.7 million teams! That’s the top 3/1000th of a percent!

We also finished 194th out of all Americans, of which there were 55,514, with a similar ranking!

In this, my second season of participation, I improved overall from 1778 points and 144,412 ranking overall, to 2217 points and an overall rank of 6,225.

Not bad!

Clearly, I benefitted from the amazing performance of Cristiano Ronaldo, who was captained most of the time, as well as the first half heroics of Cesc Fabregas. But overall the team was heavy with representation from Everton and Aston Villa, who had good seasons and fairly consistent performance.

So, I’ll bask in the meaningless glory of our performance and look forward to August!

 

The Great Escape (2008)

Well it didn’t have Steve McQueen, James Garner or Richard Attenborough, but in many other aspects Fulham managed to pull off a Great Escape similar to that of the famous 1963 WWII classic.

An international crew consisting of British and Americans (with a smattering of other cultures) tunneled their way out of the prospect of imprisonment in the League Championship (read: Division 2) with some late-season heroics.

Three consecutive away victories, where previously there had been none, were capped with a final, last-game triumph over Portsmouth.

Fulham, whom I sometimes like to refer to as Team America World Police, features several Americans including veteran keeper Casey Keller, former NE Revolution star Clint Dempsey, and long-time international standouts Brian McBride and Carlos Bocanegra.

I don’t know if Fulham have a ‘theme song’, the way Liverpool have “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, but I can’t help but think that the famous Elmer Bernstein theme from the Great Escape could be the ad-hoc theme for the coming season.

A good outcome for both American soccer fans as well as those who admire Fulham as a London-based club retaining some of the characteristic charm of English football despite the overwhelming influence of huge money on the game.

 

Chelsea Fans: You Don’t Know What You’re Saying

I watched the great Chelsea v. Arsenal game yesterday in which Chelsea came from behind to beat Arsenal at home 2 to 1. Now, those of you who either know me personally or read this blog enough know that I personally don’t care who wins. I’m just an American who loves English football and I have the luxury of not being a supporter of any one team. I like to see great team play, great individual talent and execution and, when it happens, great tactical adjustments by managers.

Now, if you’re still reading at this point, it’s likely because you like English football,  so I don’t have to recap the entire history of Chelsea’s change in management this year – the whole “cult of Mourinho” vs. Avram Grant and so on. Suffice it to say that it seems clear that the Chelsea fans, despite the successes the team has had since Grant’s assignment, still somehow feel that Mourinho is the only person who could possibly lead the team to the Premier League title.

So, with Chelsea down one-nil in the second half, when Grant made a daring double substitution inserting Anelka and Belletti in place of Ballack and Makalele, many in the crowd at Stamford Bridge started the mocking chant “You Don’t Know What You’re Doing”, along with invocations of Mourinho’s name.

Because soccer substitutions are permanent for the course of the game, they represent major strategic and tactical choices. The only American analog I can think of is in baseball, where the removal and substitution of a particular pitcher or hitter at a critical moment in a game can make or break the eventual outcome of that game. However, in my experience, while the fans may boo or moan, they don’t call the manager out in the same way as they do in soccer, where chants and songs are more traditional and commonplace. Instead, fans call up sports talk shows after the game is over and, with perfect 20-20 hindsight, proclaim their brilliance and insight.

Well, in this case, divine justice prevailed as Grant’s substitutes made an immediate and beneficial impact on the game, setting up two Didier Drogba strikes within eight minutes of each other, and giving Chelsea the victory. And although Grant, in an interview after the game, stated that he didn’t notice the fans’ mocking and disapproval, one can only speculate that he had, at least internally, a sense of personal satisfaction.

From my distant vantage point, I do not see or hear the day-to-day commentary or experience the cultural mood that comes with being a Chelsea fan. But it seems to me that Grant has come to Stamford Bridge under very challenging circumstances, produced excellent results and has comported himself with class. You’d think the Chelsea fans would appreciate that fact and enjoy it.

But clearly, “They Don’t Know What They’re Doing”.

Barnsley: The Impossible Dream Continues

Barnsley have knocked off Chelsea in the FA Cup 6th round. An amazing story continues.

For those not versed in English football, think: Toledo Mud Hens beat New York Yankees.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/fa_cup/7272810.stm

Video: http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/sol/newsid_7280000/newsid_7285700/7285750.stm?bw=nb&mp=wm&news=1&bbcws=1

Head to head Stats: http://soccerway.com/match/fa-cup/barnsley-fc/chelsea-football-club/564046/

Along with Barnsley! Shocka!

I just watched Barnsley beat Liverpool at Anfield in the last thirty seconds of stoppage time. An amazing, exciting FA Cup match.

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/fa_cup/7224063.stm

Fantasy Football Status: First Week of February

Well, January was a decent month for The Stevenators. Just subsequent to my last post, my new acquisitions from Everton  (Tim Howard and Joleon Lescott) did very well and have continued to shine. Dependable MVP Cristiano Ronaldo continues to be worth every pseudo-penny he costs.

My overall standing has improved to 6,834th out of a total of over 1.6 million participants, and I’m standing at 270th of all Americans. Not too bad.

I had not made any transfers for the entire month of January. This week, however, with injuries to both Agbonlahor and Distin, I decided to use my “wild card” to make multiple changes with no deduction in points (usually, you’re allowed one ‘free’ transfer per week, with each subsequent change costing 4 points – you get one “wild card’ per year). Changes were:

• Ashley Young for Gabriel Agbonlahor (straight change in Aston Villa), netting 0.2 currency points
• Jonathan Bentley (Blackburn)  out for Simon Davies (Fulham). I like Bentley but I needed to finance another trade, and Davies is nearly equal to Bentley in points scored while netting me 1.7 in currency.
• With that trade, I was able to let Distin go at 5.6 and get Rio Ferdinand at 7.3, washing the 1.7 the above trade provided.

I had also considered releasing Robbie Keane in favor of Carlos Tevez, but Spurs are playing Derby and I figure Keane may have a chance to run it up against the sieve-like back line of Derby. I also really like Keane as a player, though I’ve learned to ignore my sentimental preferences for players when I choose fantasy league rosters. If I chose based on sentiment alone, I’d have a completely different squad and would probably be ranked about 500,000th.

Thank goodness for this Fantasy Football league, as it gives me a chance to turn away from the unfortunate Super Bowl results without having to pay any attention to baseball, the most deadly dull yet pervasive of American team sports. Someone actually came up to me on Monday after the Super Bowl and said, with glee, “well it’s going to be Pitchers and Catchers reporting really soon!”

Oh joy.

Amazing that a bunch of underworked, paunchy doofuses showing up in Florida with golf clubs to play catch for a few weeks will get more media attention in this country than the stretch run of the Barclays Premier League, featuring some of the most talented athletes in the world. And what’s more amazing is that I’ll get some crap from people in this country for saying so.

Welcome Back Jimmy Bullard…

…and Brian McBride!

Very happy to see Bullard back on track after a long and painful injury/recovery process. He’s just the kind of player who makes football worth watching: always hustling, always creating opportunities and, occasionally, scoring game-winning goals in exciting fashion.

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_prem/7210618.stm

Speaking of back from injury, welcome back to Brian McBride, American international and Fulham striker.

Understanding English People

One of the things that’s become quickly apparent to me as I’ve started this blog, and been exposed to more of the culture surrounding the Premier League and English football in general,  is that English people don’t speak English. They speak Something Else That Has English In It.

Growing up, I’d had relatively little exposure to the colloquialisms of English speech. My experience with English culture consisted largely of the following:

• exported BBC programming on Masterpiece Theatre
• various WWII movies with British forces, e.g. The Longest Day
• Monty Python
• To Sir, With Love
• Mary Poppins & Oliver!
• Doctor in the House
• Benny Hill
• The Two Ronnies

and, more recently,

• Sexy Beast
• Snatch

I mean, here we are, supposedly speaking the same language, but there are all these words to which I had never been exposed and for which I have no Real English equivalent.

 Luckily, I found this handy reference guide:

The English-to-American Dictionary

In addition to being a useful, go-to reference, it makes interesting leisure reading. Well done, old boy! Cor blimey! Stone the Crows!

As you can see I have a ways to go yet to get current.

 

…but it was not to be

Benayoun hat-trick seals Havant’s fate

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/fa_cup/7197712.stm

 See also:

http://viewfromtheterrace.wordpress.com/2008/01/26/fairytale-over/

Still, I think there’s a movie to be made out of all this.

This is a great story…

…even if you’re not a follower of football.

http://ianheath653.wordpress.com/2008/01/16/go-havant-waterlooville/

More Separated at Birth, Barclay’s Premier League Edition

See also http://steviethek.wordpress.com/2007/12/17/separated-at-birth-barclays-premier-league-edition/

Dimitar Berbatov	Goran Visnjic (Luka from “ER”)

This one seemed obvious to me, though I’ve seen him also compared to Andy Garcia. Perhaps ten years ago. Now, Garcia looks a little more like Sergeant Garcia from the old Zorro TV show.

Michael Ballack	“Marky” Mark Wahlberg

Well, one’s German, the other just beat up blacks during his youth. Now they’re just both overpaid.

Fantasy Football Status: at the New Year

This is my second year playing in the Barclays Premier League Fantasy Game, and I’m well ahead of my performance last year. In fact, I’m actually not doing badly.

I’m currently ranked 12, 395th. Which sounds awful until you consider that there are 1,570,386 total players from around the world. Which puts me in the 99th percentile.

I’m also actually in the lead in my randomly-selected public league:

 

I’m currently ranked 410th of all Americans participating, and would have been higher had I not dumped my long time holding Man City defender Richard Dunne in favor of Joleon Lescott of Everton last week after Boxing Day. Dunne had nine points in their scoreless draw against Liverpool, while Lescott had no points in Everton’s sorry second half house-of-cards-like folding against Arsenal.

Still, doing surprisingly well all told. I’ll keep you posted on my progress, as I’m sure you’re all at the edge of your seats on this one.

Separated at Birth, Barclays Premier League Edition

Most of my friends, acquaintances and other readers aren’t as interested in soccer as I am, so the soccer posts generally go over their heads. But here’s one that, in theory, everyone should be able to enjoy.

 

Ivan Campo	Eric Bogosian, Actor/Playwright

This is the one that got me started thinking about this.

Wayne Rooney	Shrek

 I think this is a match. My wife doesn’t.

But not only do they look alike, they’re both very popular ogres.

Sam Allardyce	Fred Flintstone

 I’d pay real money to hear Big Sam say, “Yabba Dabba Doo”.

Sagna	Sagwa

This was almost too good to be true. Lookalikes AND namealikes.

Kevin Nolan	Ian, this guy I know

I don’t have many pictures of Ian, but you’ll have to take my word for it. They look exactly alike.

Feel free to add your own suggestions in the Comments area.

READER UPDATE #1:

Craig Bellamy	Biff from “Back to the Future”

This one’s from reader “N”. Nice one!

The Boy Will Play for Everton

I’m pretty sure The Boy is going to become a professional football (soccer) player. At present, all signs point to him becoming a member of Everton FC. After all, there’s definitely a precedent:

Lee Carsley

Andy Johnson

 

Thomas Gravesen

 

 

 

The Boy

 

I don’t intend buying him an Everton jersey, but it is the holiday season so donations would be cheerfully accepted. Just kidding. He does, actually, have a Patriots onesie in Laurence Maroney’s #39. After all, we’re AMERKINS, dammit!