Here is the SHOCKING, EXCLUSIVE photographic proof!

Jose Bosingwa almost joined Celtic!

Hey, Unibrow, the ball's down there

Yes, they stay low… until we -cough- have to -ahem- raise them about 35%.

Why the long face?

Seriously.

Can we please get rid of John Forbes Kerry, the most ineffectual, useless, gutless, waste-of-space in the Senate today?

This poseur has been in the Senate since the early ’80s and, because he represents Massachusetts, has barely been challenged since. He has been hiding in Ted Kennedy’s (considerable) shadow since then, occasionally showing up to Washington between trips to his various yachts (including gas-guzzling powerboats – so much for the value (or credibility) of Al Gore’s endorsement), mansions and vacation spots.

Can you think of one useful piece of legislation the guy has been responsible for in all those years?

Say what you will about Ted Kennedy, at least no one accuses him of not representing the Commonwealth, taking a stand on an issue or making his mark during his tenure. Can you say that about Kerry? The guy’s a key example in Wikipedia under the term “flip-flop”.  You think I’m kidding?

Completely, utterly, gutless and useless.

You know, it’s one thing to be useless, it’s another thing to be arrogant and useless. And that’s why I particularly despise this guy.

Here’s a quote from Kerry just after a brief “debate” with his Democratic challenger on TV this morning, when asked if there’d be any more debates:

Are you kidding me?!

He’s never held a job, made a payroll, started a business, run a business or even worked in the private sector, to my knowledge. He comes from money, marries into super-money, does a half-assed job as Senator, loses his bid to the Presidency to the most ridiculed, least-liked sitting President in modern times, and that’s his attitude?

Shouldn’t he have retired in embarrassment after that? I guess if you have no shame you can’t be embarrassed. Of course, had he any shame he wouldn’t be running for re-election on his record, such as it is.

The sad thing is, we’re still in Massachusetts, there’s no one that will challenge him who’s got any gravitas and so we are likely to have to endure this effete, haughty, empty suit and haircut of a politician for yet another six years.

Crassen rassen frassen…

[for an updated and sympathetic view, check this out]

I had mixed emotions about the Olympic Games in China, especially after witnessing the opening ceremonies.

I couldn’t help thinking I had seen something like this before. So when NBC started hawking a DVD of the Opening Ceremonies in their entirety…

I clicked through…

NBC DVD

but decided to see what they had on Amazon, just in case…

and, lo and behold….

(c) 2008 Stevie the K. All rights reserved

Go head-to-head against The Stevenators!

Or, just another example of the increased idiocy level of people in groups.

Crew-West Ham United friendly marred by brawl between fans

Security guards hold back fans after a fight broke out at an exhibition match between MLS' Columbus Crew and English Premier League side West Ham United.

One of the phenomena of our popular culture that has amused me over the last ten years or so is the almost religious hatred that some people have for Starbucks. Unwittingly turning the power of successful branding on its head, these people take it upon themselves as a badge of honor to reject Starbucks as a kind of self-awarded validation of their middle-class rootedness.  Even some very wealthy people do this. Think Mike Barnicle, for example.

They embrace, say, Dunkin’ Donuts as their coffee source of choice as if to say, “I’m a regular guy, ’cause I hate Starbucks”. But in fact, coffee costs pretty much the same at either shop. So it’s not an economic issue.

So go on with your smug, self-satisfied rejection of Starbucks. Because that has everything to do with your self-image; reject the comfy furniture, the calming wood interiors, the soft lighting, the idiotic substitution of foreign-sounding words for “small, medium or large”, or the availability of wi-fi so that a pretentious doofus can sit at a table for a few hours with their laptop pretending to workfor whatever reason.

The irony is, that no matter where you do enjoy getting your coffee from, that coffee is better because of the existence of Starbucks. In fact, Starbucks is the one core reason why good coffee is available nearly everywhere nowadays. But not too long ago, that was not the case.

Fifteen or more years ago, Dunkin’ Donuts, along with virtually every other place that served coffee, did so from one of those “Bunn-O-Matic” hot plate-heated glass carafes, using some crappy generic ground coffee obtained through a food distributor who probably also provided the napkins and the Sweet-n-Lo.  That coffee was made by some disinterested person opening up the store in the morning, and it sat there until it was gone and someone had to make more. Or, if the place wasn’t busy, it would sit there on the burner and get burnt. Or, perhaps someone put in too much water and you drank hot brown water.

I often hear how people who claim to hate Starbucks do so because they don’t like the coffee. “It tastes burnt”.  “It’s bitter”.  However I’ve found that many of those same people don’t drink their coffee black. Of course, that’s a matter of taste, but if you’re one of those people who dumps three sugars and half a cup of milk into their coffee, then your opinion really doesn’t matter. Because you don’t really care what real coffee tastes like. Or smells like.

But for those who actually like the smell and taste of good coffee, say a big “thank you” to the fact that Starbucks exists. Because they raised the bar for everyone. Before, you couldn’t find a dependably good cup of coffee anywhere. Now, local coffee shops thrive in virtually every town, because people now know what good coffee tastes like, and they demand it. McDonalds has great coffee now because of Starbucks. And yes, Dunkin’ Donuts has great coffee because of Starbucks.

For what it’s worth, I like Starbucks. And Dunkin’ Donuts. And McDonalds. And I’m glad I can get a really good cup of coffee at any of them. But I also know why that is.

And now, so do you.

Of course, this is what it’s actually about.

Could also have been, “Seattle to Go 15 Days without Putz”, or similar. Feel free to contribute your own.

I’m so juvenile, I know.

We also finished 194th out of all Americans, of which there were 55,514, with a similar ranking!

In this, my second season of participation, I improved overall from 1778 points and 144,412 ranking overall, to 2217 points and an overall rank of 6,225.

Not bad!

Clearly, I benefitted from the amazing performance of Cristiano Ronaldo, who was captained most of the time, as well as the first half heroics of Cesc Fabregas. But overall the team was heavy with representation from Everton and Aston Villa, who had good seasons and fairly consistent performance.

So, I’ll bask in the meaningless glory of our performance and look forward to August!

An international crew consisting of British and Americans (with a smattering of other cultures) tunneled their way out of the prospect of imprisonment in the League Championship (read: Division 2) with some late-season heroics.

Three consecutive away victories, where previously there had been none, were capped with a final, last-game triumph over Portsmouth.

Fulham, whom I sometimes like to refer to as Team America World Police, features several Americans including veteran keeper Casey Keller, former NE Revolution star Clint Dempsey, and long-time international standouts Brian McBride and Carlos Bocanegra.

I don’t know if Fulham have a ‘theme song’, the way Liverpool have “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, but I can’t help but think that the famous Elmer Bernstein theme from the Great Escape could be the ad-hoc theme for the coming season.

A good outcome for both American soccer fans as well as those who admire Fulham as a London-based club retaining some of the characteristic charm of English football despite the overwhelming influence of huge money on the game.

Now, if you’re still reading at this point, it’s likely because you like English football,  so I don’t have to recap the entire history of Chelsea’s change in management this year – the whole “cult of Mourinho” vs. Avram Grant and so on. Suffice it to say that it seems clear that the Chelsea fans, despite the successes the team has had since Grant’s assignment, still somehow feel that Mourinho is the only person who could possibly lead the team to the Premier League title.

So, with Chelsea down one-nil in the second half, when Grant made a daring double substitution inserting Anelka and Belletti in place of Ballack and Makalele, many in the crowd at Stamford Bridge started the mocking chant “You Don’t Know What You’re Doing”, along with invocations of Mourinho’s name.

Because soccer substitutions are permanent for the course of the game, they represent major strategic and tactical choices. The only American analog I can think of is in baseball, where the removal and substitution of a particular pitcher or hitter at a critical moment in a game can make or break the eventual outcome of that game. However, in my experience, while the fans may boo or moan, they don’t call the manager out in the same way as they do in soccer, where chants and songs are more traditional and commonplace. Instead, fans call up sports talk shows after the game is over and, with perfect 20-20 hindsight, proclaim their brilliance and insight.

Well, in this case, divine justice prevailed as Grant’s substitutes made an immediate and beneficial impact on the game, setting up two Didier Drogba strikes within eight minutes of each other, and giving Chelsea the victory. And although Grant, in an interview after the game, stated that he didn’t notice the fans’ mocking and disapproval, one can only speculate that he had, at least internally, a sense of personal satisfaction.

From my distant vantage point, I do not see or hear the day-to-day commentary or experience the cultural mood that comes with being a Chelsea fan. But it seems to me that Grant has come to Stamford Bridge under very challenging circumstances, produced excellent results and has comported himself with class. You’d think the Chelsea fans would appreciate that fact and enjoy it.

But clearly, “They Don’t Know What They’re Doing”.

So anyway, I’m apparently pursuing my dream to go abroad on a Football tour, and I’m all excited because I am going to see a really good game — I think it was Everton vs. Liverpool or similar. I’ve apparently arranged everything ahead of time, because I’ve prepaid for all my tickets and pre-arranged my transport throughout the country. And apparently the mode of transportation is some kind of combination of open-air train (like the top half of a double-decker bus) and hovercraft because we’re speeding along highways and seaside roads and then suddenly the train/hovercraft leaps over the rail to the beach, in a manner not unlike a combination of Burnout Paradise and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney. We’re flying down the beach and people are scattering to either side and we’re splashing and so on. Of course I’m in a state of shock because we’re flying over railings and going like 150 mph on a beach, while the people around me are all listening to their i-pods or reading The Sun and barely noticing.

Anyway for some reason the football ground is out in the country, not in the city, so the conveyance leaves us off about a ten minute walk away. And I’m walking with all the other people who are going to the ground to see the game, and I realize that next to me going to the game is Gordon Ramsay. And I’m torn because on the one hand he’s kind of famous and might be interesting to talk to and I know he used to be a football player himself, and on the other hand he might be a huge obnoxious asshole. But in my own self-deprecating and charming way we exchange a few minor pleasantries about the game and so on.

Anyway, later on I arrive at the ground and pull out my tickets, and I almost have a heart attack because they’re for a La Liga double-header between Valladolid and Racing Santander, with another game between Espanyol and someone…and I’m going into a panic because not only do I not have the tickets to the game I’m at, and want to see, but I know almost nothing about Valladolid or Racing Santander, don’t really give a s**t about La Liga and the game is in Spain and it had been played yesterday.

So I run back to the ticket purchase area, which I passed about five minutes before, and of course I am in a panic because it’s something I haven’t pre-arranged, and there’s no guarantee that they’ll even have a ticket, and I’m going the opposite way from everyone, and I get to the ticket window and of course Gordon Ramsay is there. And he starts yelling at me and getting in my face because of my ticket screw-up and he’s calling me a stupid git as if I’m on Hell’s Kitchen and I’ve burnt the risotto and he’s bragging about how he gets all the tickets he wants because he used to play football and he’s a big shot.

And then I woke up.