Post-Transfer Window Shocker – Bosingwa to Celtic?

Evidently it didn’t happen, but we here at Stevie the K: Don’t do as I do, Do as I Say have uncovered EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS which seem to indicate that a deal involving Chelsea defender Jose Bosingwa being dealt to Celtic was very close to fruition when the transfer window closed.

Here is the SHOCKING, EXCLUSIVE photographic proof!

Jose Bosingwa almost joined Celtic!

More Anti-Semitism in Europe?

Hey, Unibrow, the ball's down there

Trip to the Grocery Store

moar funny pictures

Yes, they stay low… until we -cough- have to -ahem- raise them about 35%.

Can We PLEASE Get Rid of John Kerry?

Why the long face?

Seriously.

Can we please get rid of John Forbes Kerry, the most ineffectual, useless, gutless, waste-of-space in the Senate today?

This poseur has been in the Senate since the early ’80s and, because he represents Massachusetts, has barely been challenged since. He has been hiding in Ted Kennedy’s (considerable) shadow since then, occasionally showing up to Washington between trips to his various yachts (including gas-guzzling powerboats – so much for the value (or credibility) of Al Gore’s endorsement), mansions and vacation spots.

Can you think of one useful piece of legislation the guy has been responsible for in all those years?

Say what you will about Ted Kennedy, at least no one accuses him of not representing the Commonwealth, taking a stand on an issue or making his mark during his tenure. Can you say that about Kerry? The guy’s a key example in Wikipedia under the term “flip-flop”.  You think I’m kidding?

Completely, utterly, gutless and useless.

You know, it’s one thing to be useless, it’s another thing to be arrogant and useless. And that’s why I particularly despise this guy.

Here’s a quote from Kerry just after a brief “debate” with his Democratic challenger on TV this morning, when asked if there’d be any more debates:

“This is what we negotiated, this is what we agree to, and we’ve done it,” he said. “I go back to work in Washington. I’ve got a full-time job, unlike my opponent.”

Are you kidding me?!

He’s never held a job, made a payroll, started a business, run a business or even worked in the private sector, to my knowledge. He comes from money, marries into super-money, does a half-assed job as Senator, loses his bid to the Presidency to the most ridiculed, least-liked sitting President in modern times, and that’s his attitude?

Shouldn’t he have retired in embarrassment after that? I guess if you have no shame you can’t be embarrassed. Of course, had he any shame he wouldn’t be running for re-election on his record, such as it is.

The sad thing is, we’re still in Massachusetts, there’s no one that will challenge him who’s got any gravitas and so we are likely to have to endure this effete, haughty, empty suit and haircut of a politician for yet another six years.

Crassen rassen frassen…

 

[for an updated and sympathetic view, check this out]

On Amazon: The Totalitarian Two-Fer

(I know I’m a little late with this, but here it is nonetheless…)

I had mixed emotions about the Olympic Games in China, especially after witnessing the opening ceremonies.

I couldn’t help thinking I had seen something like this before. So when NBC started hawking a DVD of the Opening Ceremonies in their entirety…

I clicked through…

NBC DVD

but decided to see what they had on Amazon, just in case…

and, lo and behold….

 

(c) 2008 Stevie the K. All rights reserved

Fantasy Premier League starts Aug 16

If any of my regular readers (i.e., those who didn’t get here by looking for “Janet Jackson’s boob” on Google) are interested in joining my semi-private league, let me know by indicating your interest in comments. I’ll follow up to your email address, which is visible to me through the administration function.

Go head-to-head against The Stevenators!

The Other Side of Soccer: Our Idiots are Tougher than Your Idiots

I guess I don’t give this side of soccer much attention, because it tends not to be an issue here in the States, but perhaps it’s an inevitable consequence of soccer’s global emergence.

Or, just another example of the increased idiocy level of people in groups.

Crew-West Ham United friendly marred by brawl between fans

Security guards hold back fans after a fight broke out at an exhibition match between MLS' Columbus Crew and English Premier League side West Ham United.

You Owe Starbucks a Debt of Gratitude

Recently, the Starbucks chain of coffee shops announced a series of store closures, indicating an economic retrenchment after many years of rapid growth. In some circles, this stumbling on Starbucks’ part has been met with cheers of satisfaction, as if a hated style of music had fallen on hard times.

One of the phenomena of our popular culture that has amused me over the last ten years or so is the almost religious hatred that some people have for Starbucks. Unwittingly turning the power of successful branding on its head, these people take it upon themselves as a badge of honor to reject Starbucks as a kind of self-awarded validation of their middle-class rootedness.  Even some very wealthy people do this. Think Mike Barnicle, for example.

They embrace, say, Dunkin’ Donuts as their coffee source of choice as if to say, “I’m a regular guy, ’cause I hate Starbucks”. But in fact, coffee costs pretty much the same at either shop. So it’s not an economic issue.

So go on with your smug, self-satisfied rejection of Starbucks. Because that has everything to do with your self-image; reject the comfy furniture, the calming wood interiors, the soft lighting, the idiotic substitution of foreign-sounding words for “small, medium or large”, or the availability of wi-fi so that a pretentious doofus can sit at a table for a few hours with their laptop pretending to workfor whatever reason.

The irony is, that no matter where you do enjoy getting your coffee from, that coffee is better because of the existence of Starbucks. In fact, Starbucks is the one core reason why good coffee is available nearly everywhere nowadays. But not too long ago, that was not the case.

Fifteen or more years ago, Dunkin’ Donuts, along with virtually every other place that served coffee, did so from one of those “Bunn-O-Matic” hot plate-heated glass carafes, using some crappy generic ground coffee obtained through a food distributor who probably also provided the napkins and the Sweet-n-Lo.  That coffee was made by some disinterested person opening up the store in the morning, and it sat there until it was gone and someone had to make more. Or, if the place wasn’t busy, it would sit there on the burner and get burnt. Or, perhaps someone put in too much water and you drank hot brown water.

I often hear how people who claim to hate Starbucks do so because they don’t like the coffee. “It tastes burnt”.  “It’s bitter”.  However I’ve found that many of those same people don’t drink their coffee black. Of course, that’s a matter of taste, but if you’re one of those people who dumps three sugars and half a cup of milk into their coffee, then your opinion really doesn’t matter. Because you don’t really care what real coffee tastes like. Or smells like.

But for those who actually like the smell and taste of good coffee, say a big “thank you” to the fact that Starbucks exists. Because they raised the bar for everyone. Before, you couldn’t find a dependably good cup of coffee anywhere. Now, local coffee shops thrive in virtually every town, because people now know what good coffee tastes like, and they demand it. McDonalds has great coffee now because of Starbucks. And yes, Dunkin’ Donuts has great coffee because of Starbucks.

For what it’s worth, I like Starbucks. And Dunkin’ Donuts. And McDonalds. And I’m glad I can get a really good cup of coffee at any of them. But I also know why that is.

And now, so do you.

The Heck with the Canadian Healthcare Model, Let’s Adopt the German One

Woman sues over hospital boobs

A German woman is suing doctors after she checked in to have wrinkles removed – and woke up with a new pair of breasts.

Ingrid Bruelling, 33, had the operation in the German city of Kassel.

She wanted to give herself firmer skin and remove the wrinkles after losing 16 stone on a crash diet.

But when she woke up after the operation she found doctors had put two silicone implants into her breasts, increasing their size from a C cup to a D.

Doctors said the woman should not complain as the best way to tighten the skin and remove the wrinkles was to make her breasts bigger.

  

(emphasis mine)

 

 

God’s Will?

One doesn’t want to be thought of as intolerant, or insensitive at a time of a family’s crisis, but after yet another example of a ‘faith-healing’ family’s child dying needlessly, I’m going to spew.

Does it ever dawn on these people that perhaps, just perhaps, God, the Holy One, blessed be He, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, gave us the ability to reason so that we could discover medicine and scientific breakthroughs and actually heal the sick with that intelligence and capability?

Why do these morons insist on cloaking themselves in stupidity and ignorance in the name of God?

Can’t faith and intelligence coexist?

Of course, this raises a whole set of discussions on faith and behavior, e.g. evolution vs. creationism and intelligent design, religious wars, intolerance between religions, etc.

Fine. Discuss.

 

Putz Out of Action for 15 days

Someone had to.

Of course, this is what it’s actually about.

Could also have been, “Seattle to Go 15 Days without Putz”, or similar. Feel free to contribute your own.

I’m so juvenile, I know.

Fantasy Football 2007-2008 Roundup

Well, the season has ended, and I have to say I’m pleased overall with the performance of The Stevenators. Despite a dreadful slump in March and early April, they rallied to finish 6,225th overall out of over 1.7 million teams! That’s the top 3/1000th of a percent!

We also finished 194th out of all Americans, of which there were 55,514, with a similar ranking!

In this, my second season of participation, I improved overall from 1778 points and 144,412 ranking overall, to 2217 points and an overall rank of 6,225.

Not bad!

Clearly, I benefitted from the amazing performance of Cristiano Ronaldo, who was captained most of the time, as well as the first half heroics of Cesc Fabregas. But overall the team was heavy with representation from Everton and Aston Villa, who had good seasons and fairly consistent performance.

So, I’ll bask in the meaningless glory of our performance and look forward to August!

 

The Great Escape (2008)

Well it didn’t have Steve McQueen, James Garner or Richard Attenborough, but in many other aspects Fulham managed to pull off a Great Escape similar to that of the famous 1963 WWII classic.

An international crew consisting of British and Americans (with a smattering of other cultures) tunneled their way out of the prospect of imprisonment in the League Championship (read: Division 2) with some late-season heroics.

Three consecutive away victories, where previously there had been none, were capped with a final, last-game triumph over Portsmouth.

Fulham, whom I sometimes like to refer to as Team America World Police, features several Americans including veteran keeper Casey Keller, former NE Revolution star Clint Dempsey, and long-time international standouts Brian McBride and Carlos Bocanegra.

I don’t know if Fulham have a ‘theme song’, the way Liverpool have “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, but I can’t help but think that the famous Elmer Bernstein theme from the Great Escape could be the ad-hoc theme for the coming season.

A good outcome for both American soccer fans as well as those who admire Fulham as a London-based club retaining some of the characteristic charm of English football despite the overwhelming influence of huge money on the game.

 

Chelsea Fans: You Don’t Know What You’re Saying

I watched the great Chelsea v. Arsenal game yesterday in which Chelsea came from behind to beat Arsenal at home 2 to 1. Now, those of you who either know me personally or read this blog enough know that I personally don’t care who wins. I’m just an American who loves English football and I have the luxury of not being a supporter of any one team. I like to see great team play, great individual talent and execution and, when it happens, great tactical adjustments by managers.

Now, if you’re still reading at this point, it’s likely because you like English football,  so I don’t have to recap the entire history of Chelsea’s change in management this year – the whole “cult of Mourinho” vs. Avram Grant and so on. Suffice it to say that it seems clear that the Chelsea fans, despite the successes the team has had since Grant’s assignment, still somehow feel that Mourinho is the only person who could possibly lead the team to the Premier League title.

So, with Chelsea down one-nil in the second half, when Grant made a daring double substitution inserting Anelka and Belletti in place of Ballack and Makalele, many in the crowd at Stamford Bridge started the mocking chant “You Don’t Know What You’re Doing”, along with invocations of Mourinho’s name.

Because soccer substitutions are permanent for the course of the game, they represent major strategic and tactical choices. The only American analog I can think of is in baseball, where the removal and substitution of a particular pitcher or hitter at a critical moment in a game can make or break the eventual outcome of that game. However, in my experience, while the fans may boo or moan, they don’t call the manager out in the same way as they do in soccer, where chants and songs are more traditional and commonplace. Instead, fans call up sports talk shows after the game is over and, with perfect 20-20 hindsight, proclaim their brilliance and insight.

Well, in this case, divine justice prevailed as Grant’s substitutes made an immediate and beneficial impact on the game, setting up two Didier Drogba strikes within eight minutes of each other, and giving Chelsea the victory. And although Grant, in an interview after the game, stated that he didn’t notice the fans’ mocking and disapproval, one can only speculate that he had, at least internally, a sense of personal satisfaction.

From my distant vantage point, I do not see or hear the day-to-day commentary or experience the cultural mood that comes with being a Chelsea fan. But it seems to me that Grant has come to Stamford Bridge under very challenging circumstances, produced excellent results and has comported himself with class. You’d think the Chelsea fans would appreciate that fact and enjoy it.

But clearly, “They Don’t Know What They’re Doing”.

I Had This Dream Last Night…

…and I never remember them so I wanted to hurry up and write it down before I forgot it. This should give you some insight into exactly what a pathetic loser I really am.

So anyway, I’m apparently pursuing my dream to go abroad on a Football tour, and I’m all excited because I am going to see a really good game — I think it was Everton vs. Liverpool or similar. I’ve apparently arranged everything ahead of time, because I’ve prepaid for all my tickets and pre-arranged my transport throughout the country. And apparently the mode of transportation is some kind of combination of open-air train (like the top half of a double-decker bus) and hovercraft because we’re speeding along highways and seaside roads and then suddenly the train/hovercraft leaps over the rail to the beach, in a manner not unlike a combination of Burnout Paradise and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney. We’re flying down the beach and people are scattering to either side and we’re splashing and so on. Of course I’m in a state of shock because we’re flying over railings and going like 150 mph on a beach, while the people around me are all listening to their i-pods or reading The Sun and barely noticing.

Anyway for some reason the football ground is out in the country, not in the city, so the conveyance leaves us off about a ten minute walk away. And I’m walking with all the other people who are going to the ground to see the game, and I realize that next to me going to the game is Gordon Ramsay. And I’m torn because on the one hand he’s kind of famous and might be interesting to talk to and I know he used to be a football player himself, and on the other hand he might be a huge obnoxious asshole. But in my own self-deprecating and charming way we exchange a few minor pleasantries about the game and so on.

Anyway, later on I arrive at the ground and pull out my tickets, and I almost have a heart attack because they’re for a La Liga double-header between Valladolid and Racing Santander, with another game between Espanyol and someone…and I’m going into a panic because not only do I not have the tickets to the game I’m at, and want to see, but I know almost nothing about Valladolid or Racing Santander, don’t really give a s**t about La Liga and the game is in Spain and it had been played yesterday.

So I run back to the ticket purchase area, which I passed about five minutes before, and of course I am in a panic because it’s something I haven’t pre-arranged, and there’s no guarantee that they’ll even have a ticket, and I’m going the opposite way from everyone, and I get to the ticket window and of course Gordon Ramsay is there. And he starts yelling at me and getting in my face because of my ticket screw-up and he’s calling me a stupid git as if I’m on Hell’s Kitchen and I’ve burnt the risotto and he’s bragging about how he gets all the tickets he wants because he used to play football and he’s a big shot.

And then I woke up.

Barnsley: The Impossible Dream Continues

Barnsley have knocked off Chelsea in the FA Cup 6th round. An amazing story continues.

For those not versed in English football, think: Toledo Mud Hens beat New York Yankees.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/fa_cup/7272810.stm

Video: http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/sol/newsid_7280000/newsid_7285700/7285750.stm?bw=nb&mp=wm&news=1&bbcws=1

Head to head Stats: http://soccerway.com/match/fa-cup/barnsley-fc/chelsea-football-club/564046/

Basking in the Sunny Rhetoric of Change

I’ve generally been staying away from politics in this blog – I think there are plenty of people covering the various positions with more enthusiasm and insight, without another semi-qualified bloviator chiming in. But really, what’s with all the smoochies for Obama?

I made fun of Hillary’s “35 years of change” for the empty, grasping phrase it was. But is it only because people are finally seeing her for the phony, say-or-do-whatever-it-takes-to-win mercenary she really is that people are embracing Barack Obama with such fervor? Or is it just because all the other choices (for Democrats, anyway) are out of the race? I’m not sure, because I felt that most of the Democrat choices were pathetic, empty vessels to begin with. Edwards was a total haircut, and his “two Americas” position was belied by his own ridiculously opulent lifestyle, funded by shaking down corporations in the courtroom. Biden was probably the only really qualified Democrat candidate, but as a long-term Senator, seen as part of the problem rather than part of the solution.

But all this “love” for Obama? Why?

Because compared to Hillary, he’s palatable. It’s as simple as that, unfortunately. And that’s all that’s left to the Democrats.

I mean, who among us didn’t throw up a little into our mouths when Hillary summed up her recent debate appearance by saying how “honored…truly honored” she was to be appearing with Barack Obama. Honored?! Are you kidding? She RESENTS his presence in HER run for the Presidency! This was supposed to be HER slam-dunk nomination! How’s she going to be the First Woman President? Honored? She’d kill the bastard if she could get away with it. And at this point, everyone’s kind of figured that out, at last.

So, those who consider themselves “Democrats” or to the Left can bask in the sunny, empty rhetoric of “change” coming from someone who isn’t Hillary. Never mind that he’s accomplished nothing that would qualify him to be President of the United States. You can even feel kind of good that you’re going to vote for a Black Guy who is (bonus!) well-spoken and not particularly threatening; proving (at least, to yourself) that you’re not, even in the least bit, prejudiced against black people. Sure, he sounds nice, and reasonable; you’re sure he really represents the best hopes and aspirations for the country, right?

Here’s a couple of nice pieces casting some criticism on Mr. and Mrs. Obama. ‘Cause if the Clinton Presidency taught us anything, it’s that you’re getting the spouse with the candidate.

I think what’s really needed is an alternative to the flawed primary system that doesn’t let ninety percent of the American people vote for the candidates they’re REALLY interested in supporting. Why do a few, unrepresentative doofuses in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina get to influence MY opportunity to vote? I’m sure I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Alternatives, please!

Barriers to Exit: How Quicken Screws its Customers

When I was in business school, we learned (amongst other things) about developing various competitive strategies. One of the ones hardly anyone seemed to pay attention to, but was fascinating to me, was the concept of creating “Barriers to Exit”.

This is the complement to the better known “Barriers to Entry”, which typically implies that if you can enter a market first, and make it either so expensive or so time consuming to a competitor to consider entering that it would not be worth their while to follow you into that market, they would therefore  concede it to you.

Barriers to Exit implies that you make it so expensive, time consuming or otherwise difficult to leave a market (or a product) that you have captive control over it. And that’s where Quicken comes in.

Quicken is one of the few examples of an independent software company which has successfully fended off Microsoft’s entry into its domain. Their original product was and is a personal finance and check writing program. Over the years (and decades now), it has evolved from a simple checkbook balancer to a complex combination of tax reporting, investment handling and personal finance adviser. Its foundation, though, is still basically a checkbook program and, as such, it’s very convenient. Many of its customers, myself included, have been using one version or another of Quicken for over 15 years, even predating Windows back to the DOS era. Think of the brand loyalty implied in that record of accomplishment! We were glad to be able to support an upstart company which beat back the Microsoft juggernaut with a superior product and a great customer orientation. As the need would arise, usually when some significant improvement in the software would occur, I would upgrade to the newer version, which they would make available to past customers at a reduced rate.

Unfortunately, over the past several years, there have been increased numbers of complaints about both the Quicken software and its dedication to the customer. Reports of buggy software are common now, and the annual version upgrades seem to offer little improvement over the previous year’s. So, most people would keep their old versions, with which they were perfectly content.

Of course, without annual upgrades by enough of the user base, company management can’t drive the requisite increases in revenue they need to justify their positions. So, they’re forced to choose between happy customers, and greater revenue growth. Guess which they choose.

So, Quicken now has adopted a “sunsetting” policy on its old software. Now at most software companies, that just means that they just stop supporting the old software with patches, fixes and so forth. Not at Quicken. They actually inform their customers that the online components of their software, including some basic functionality that users need every day to download bank balances and credit card transactions, will be turned off. That’s right. Even though these functions work fine, they’re going to shut them off. Leaving customers with three choices: upgrade, find some other program, or go back to entering all transactions manually.

What makes this particularly ugly is that when one does a little research into the new upgrade versions, one finds that the customer satisfaction levels with those new versions are terrible. Not just so-so or mezza-mezza. Awful. People generally hate the new versions as buggy, non-functional or just plain unnecessary. And reviews of the once-great Quicken customer service are similarly poor. Check some place where there’s customer input, like Amazon or elsewhere. It’s shocking. Review after review of people saying “I’ve used Quicken for (5, 10, 15) years and now I hate them” or similar. It’s hard to imagine a company doing a more successful job of ruining its reputation without actually dumping oil into a village of baby seals or releasing poison gas into a highly populated third world hellhole. But they have.

And that’s where Barriers to Exit comes in. Because despite all these facts, you really have no choice. You have to upgrade because you depend on it. Over fifteen years of comprehensive personal finance records, several loans, a mortgage, a handful of bank accounts, IRAs, 401(k)s and the lot. All currently kept up to date at the push of a button. Until shut off time. And from all accounts the Microsoft competitor is even worse. And there’s nothing else out there.

So you’re stuck.

And they know it.

Along with Barnsley! Shocka!

I just watched Barnsley beat Liverpool at Anfield in the last thirty seconds of stoppage time. An amazing, exciting FA Cup match.

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/fa_cup/7224063.stm

Bristol Rovers in FA Cup Quarter Finals!

I have to admit, there are certain teams I follow just because I ‘managed’ them in FIFA soccer on the XBOX. My first team in Manager mode on FIFA 2005 was Bristol Rovers. So I am pleased to see one of “my” former clubs do well.

They also have a great home jersey, as you can see.

http://www.soccerway.com/news/2008/February/16/pirates-plunder-the-saints-to-reach-fa-cup-quarter-finals

 They had a great striker named Junior Agogo, who has since moved up the league ladder to Notts Forest, and doing great there. I imagined, in a more perfect world, that ESPN thought English football was more important than baseball, and that Chris Berman would refer to him as either “Whisky” Agogo, or “Going to” Agogo in the highlight reels. Well, I amuse myself anyway.

In any case, this is another example of why the FA Cup is the greatest tournament in sports. Anyone can win. First Havant and Waterlooville, now this. A great season already, and it’s still going strong!